Harvard‑trained psychologist Sabrina Romanoff explains how to gauge whether your dating standards are set too high or too low in a CNBC article [1].
Understanding where your expectations come from matters because unrealistic standards can keep you single while overly low expectations may lead to unsatisfying relationships [1][2]. Readers who adjust their standards are more likely to find compatible partners and avoid repeated disappointment.
Romanoff said standards often stem from three sources: family upbringing, past relationships, and cultural messages about romance [1]. When you internalize a parent’s ideal partner or media‑driven fantasies, those images become benchmarks that may not reflect your true needs.
Signs that your standards are too high include constantly feeling disappointed after dates, dismissing potential partners for superficial reasons, and believing that “the perfect match” must meet an exhaustive checklist [1][3]. This mindset can create a self‑fulfilling prophecy of loneliness.
Conversely, indicators of standards that are too low involve settling for partners who lack basic compatibility, ignoring red flags, and feeling uneasy about your own choices after a relationship begins [2]. Accepting less than you deserve often erodes self‑respect and leads to churn in dating.
Romanoff outlines a three‑step process to recalibrate expectations: first, write down the qualities you truly need versus those you merely want; second, examine the origin of each item to see if it reflects personal values or external pressure; third, test your list by dating people who meet the essential criteria while remaining open to unexpected connections [1]. Applying this method can clarify which standards serve you and which hold you back.
By tracing the roots of dating expectations and consciously adjusting them, individuals can improve relationship satisfaction and reduce the time spent on unproductive dating cycles. Romanoff’s guidance encourages readers to balance self‑knowledge with realistic optimism, fostering healthier partnership choices [2].
“Your dating standards are a mirror of your self‑worth.”
What this means: Evaluating and adjusting dating standards is not just a personal exercise; it influences how quickly people form lasting relationships and how satisfied they feel. By applying Romanoff’s framework, readers can move beyond unrealistic ideals or overly permissive criteria, leading to more efficient dating and stronger, healthier partnerships.
